Emotional Regulation: What Is It and How Do I Do It?
Disclaimer: The tools in this post were developed for myself and my career coaching clients to help them be happier, healthier and thrive at work. Be gentle with yourself while reading this - change comes from a place of curiosity, awareness and compassion, not self-blame and shame.
WANT TO KNOW HOW YOU CAN REGULATE EMOTIONS, REDUCE STRESS AND RELAX? THIS IS THE POST FOR YOU!
At the start of 2024, I decided to focus on my health and wellbeing - not just to help me through the dark and gloomy days but throughout the year; tools, techniques and things that make me feel good when maintaining focus feels like an uphill battle, and everything feels too much, especially as someone with ADHD.
When we get to a point where our nervous system is out of whack, emotional regulation can become increasingly difficult. Tasks begin to feel like chores, especially as your to-do list grows and the weather disappoints.
You might find yourself going through the motions, doing so much, but it never feels like enough. This often leads to feeling overwhelmed, stressed and emotionally dysregulated as your body tries to keep up. Not just for people with ADHD but those without too, so regardless of where you are on the spectrum or not, this article will be helpful for you.
SO WHAT IS EMOTIONAL DYSREGULATION?
It typically involves difficulty managing and expressing emotions appropriately, and it’s something that can affect both those with ADHD and those without. It often presents as mood swings, impulsive behaviours, agitation, anxiety and feeling on edge or feeling overwhelmed.
When in dysregulation, ADHD symptoms can worsen, which heightens distractibility and impulsivity, while for those without, it can disrupt daily functioning, having a huge impact on your overall wellbeing and particularly productivity. Implementing effective strategies to manage yourself, being proactive and seeking support can help manage this.
I’ve pulled together a list of five tips, all tried and tested by me, to help you with emotional regulation when things just get too much. Keep reading for the bonus tip!
1. WHY IDENTIFYING YOUR EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS IS IMPORTANT
Identify your triggers to understand them: It's really good to pay attention to what's happening around you that can trigger an emotional response so you can be better prepared and limit your distractedness when situations come up that leave you dysregulated.
Suppose you’re an ADHDer who struggles with focus, attention and the ability to retain information. In that case, this can be tricky, so keeping a journal of your triggers you can regularly refer to is a great idea to help you.
It takes time to learn and understand triggers, and you may find that new ones pop up here and there. So be sure to pay attention to how they make you feel and note them while paying attention to your reaction and what you can do differently when they come up again.
Like any skill, learning to manage and regulate emotions takes consistent effort. A huge part of this is being patient and compassionate with yourself so you can continue to develop strategies that will help you enormously over time.
2. WHAT IS A GOOD MORNING ROUTINE?
Create a morning routine that works for you: Something that I have found to be a blessing and a great tool is having a morning routine. A book I’ve read recently, “The Miracle Morning” by Hal Elrod, has some great ways to break up your routine and incorporate things that feel good into it. He talks about the struggles we can often face first thing while providing tools to help tackle them. He talks about the S.A.V.E.R.S technique.
Silence - sit in silence to give yourself a moment of peace
Affirmation - affirm what you want from the day and yourself
Visualisation - visualising the day ahead exactly as you want it to be
Exercise - move your body to boost oxygen and circulation
Reading - to spark the mind and get the creative juices flowing
Scribing - journaling your thoughts and ideas or writing a gratitude list
I was pleased to find that I already incorporated a lot of this into mine, but it really is a great way to get you ready for the day ahead and keep you regulated throughout the day. Want to find out more about this? Read all about it here!
3. HOW DOES EXERCISE PLAY A PART IN EMOTIONAL REGULATION?
Get your body moving: I often find, specifically this time of year, I tend to feel a bit more sluggish, which can leave me feeling both overwhelmed and underwhelmed, which is why I believe it isn’t a time to move full speed ahead, but focus on your wellbeing and moving your body is a great way to both keep you physically fit and clear the mind.
I took part in Red January this year, a charity-based event with the goal of getting you moving every day. Whether it’s a game of football, taking a jog or hike, or dancing in your living room—whatever is easiest for you—get that body moving to release any pent-up energy, both positive and negative.
It really is a great way to feed both your body and mind, taking you inward and away from the stresses of everyday life.
Head over to the Red January website to find out more about it, and maybe you can add it to the list for next year. All proceeds go to local mental health charities. It’s a great cause to help yourself and those in need, but it’s also important to remember that moving your body is something you can do anytime you need an emotional release.
4. WHY HOBBIES HELP TO REDUCE STRESS AND RELAX YOU
Make time for things that give you release while lighting you up: Something I’ve made sure to do recently is schedule in time for things that not only give me release but also things I love. I’ve made sure to carve out time for yoga, movement therapy, and flow dance meditation.
This doesn’t have to be something you do specifically. Everyone is different, so it’s all about finding something that gives you both. It could be anything from football to simply going for a walk in nature—whatever works for you. Somatic practices work well—I love the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), and many clients do an embodied practice, chakra dancing, or EMDR.
Another great technique to make time for, especially before a big event or important meeting at work, is the 4-7-8 breathing technique. It’s a fantastic tool to manage anxiety at the moment, regulate your nervous system and reduce stress. All you need to do is:
Exhale completely through your mouth, releasing tension in your mind and body.
Inhale through your nose, counting to 4, allowing the breath to fill your lungs.
Hold your breath and count to 7, giving you a moment of stillness
Exhale fully through your mouth and count to 8 as you feel your body soften and mind quiet
Repeat for two minutes or until you feel completely calm and ready to tackle what's ahead. The more you practice, the more natural it will become and the more impact it will have.
5. ADHD COACHES FOCUS ON EMOTIONAL REGULATION
Seek professional support: If you feel like it’s not possible to regulate using these tools and strategies, then this is your reminder that it’s okay to seek professional support, whether it’s working with a coach to help you manage your day-to-day or support from a medical professional and therapy. I specifically coach ADHD clients in the workplace, but there are other ADHD coaches out there. Just make sure to check that they are trained in ADHD-specific coaching so you can make sure you're getting the support you need.
Whatever that support looks like for you, coaching or otherwise, it is okay to ask for it. It can have a tremendous impact on yourself and your life, so have a look around to see your options.
HATE MEDITATION? HERE'S A MEDITATION HACK
Bonus Tip—Alpha waves: Finally, a bonus tip that is severely underrated and something I’ve started to implement regularly is the use of Binaural Beats. If you haven’t heard of them, I encourage you to research and dive into how they work because it is truly fascinating.
I’ve started playing Alpha Waves binaural beats for my kids in the morning and noticed a huge shift. They are much calmer (most mornings, at least) and are more likely to spend time doing something more mindful.
Alpha waves are designed to help you enter a flow state, which supports emotional regulation and keeps your nervous system in check. This allows you to move and work from a place of alignment. Focus becomes more accessible, and your reactions to situations feel more controlled. All it takes is 12 minutes daily with headphones—here’s a playlist to get you started. I've also written a post diving into the science behind Alpha Waves and the impact binaural beats can have on your brain; check it out here.
TO SUMMARISE IT ALL
All in all, not all coping strategies need to be strict regimes that add to your list of things to do and feel like a chore, and that’s the beauty in being able to trial and find things that work for us as individuals, we get to use tools and techniques that feel good to us, that not only support our emotional regulation, but a wellbeing as a whole, both physical and mental.
If you struggle to regulate yours, then give some of these tips a try, and they can give you the transformation you need to feel good within yourself and take back control of your emotions, relationships and your life.
As mentioned above, if you would like support whether it’s for ADHD, managing your workload to limit overwhelm through career and business coaching or finding the mental clarity to move forward then get in touch through the link below.
ABOUT CAREER COACH NAT HARRISON OF AYAMA COACHING
Hi, I am Nat. I help people become more fulfilled and happy in their working lives by aligning their careers or businesses with their skills, values, and interests and helping them overcome barriers to making the desired change.
I am also a trained ADHD coach. I work with neurodivergent people who want to harness their brains for the better and improve their relationships with themselves.
Book a FREE consultation below if you would benefit from some coaching on your work life.
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